Happy July everyone! Last year I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run. Not something I would usually do on my own, but a good friend of mine does them every year. And not just one mud run a year, oh no! She does multiple!! Somehow she convinced me to join her for one. I think it might have been all the pictures. She always looked like she was having a blast. Anyways, come a year later and it was time for me to actually do it. I started having second thoughts. Haha! It's one thing to think something looks like fun, but an entirely different thing to actually do it. For one thing I hadn't worked out in months. I started having doubts. Could I do it? Would I make it without falling to my doom? Well there were 4 other brave women besides me and my friend. So at least I wasn't alone! Being in a group of supportive friends does wonders for one's confidence. When we finally started the run I was a bit nervous but was all for it. Until we got to a ball and beam obstacle that is. But I made it through. The rest of the run was also a bit terrifying, but a ton of fun! I did things I didn't think I was capable of. I think that just goes to show that sometimes instead of thinking about things you have to just do them. Thanks to all my Dirty Girls for getting me through and making this such a great time!
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Hey everyone! I'm still alive. Haha!
The job hunt is still on and in looking for one I've started to again develop a lot of the anxiety issues I had the last time I had one. Which is not comforting but has helped me to remember why I started this website in the first place. Yes, I wanted to live my life and enjoy it and I wanted to help others to do that too. But I was so focused on the idea that I could do it only because I was no longer working. Living life and enjoying it is not completely reliant on what you do to make money. Your income doesn't have to determine your happiness. Sure it makes it easier, but being happy is a lifestyle choice. In the past month I've been having to rediscover my priorities once again. I thought that if I had to work again I wouldn't have time to be happy because I'd most likely be stuck working somewhere that I didn't like. Again! It is true that I probably won't like my job, but it's not true that I can't be happy. For one thing I can choose to stay positive. For another, while I haven't been working I've discovered that I have hobbies and interests and that they are what will keep me going in life when times are tough. When I worked I used to be so focused on my job thinking that I had to devote all time and energy to it. No wonder I got exhausted! I didn't know how to explore and enjoy things. I was just doing what I was told, exactly how I was told to do it. Not only that, but I was afraid to truly be myself for fear of rejection. So with that I have a confession to make. Not only am I am an artist, crocheter, and nature lover.... I am a gamer too. I always hesitate to reveal this because of the image the word "gamer" usually brings up. Probably a violent person sitting in a dark room and shooting things is my guess of what most people visualize. Which is not true at all. Not all gamers are alike as not all painters are alike. For me, it was an escape when life became so overwhelming that my mind felt that it would either explode or shut down. Recently it has also become an important social outlet. I have found a group of people that I can connect with. I am sharing all this for a couple of reasons. First, because in this difficult period of time for me when my anxiety threatens to return I have people that are supportive of me, share my interests, and don't question my quirky sense of creativity. I believe that it is important to find a true supportive circle no matter what it is. People who care about you and enjoy you for who you are. Not what they want you to be. Second, in order to find those people you have to embrace yourself and do what you love even if others say it is a waste of time. Nothing is a waste of time. We can learn from everything and anything you enjoy that brings you happiness is not a waste. So in saying all this I know it is time for me to let go and truly be myself and I'd like to thank all of my Minecraft friends for teaching me that it is okay not to always do everything exactly "right", that life is there to be silly and make others laugh, and that working together is more fun and much better than working alone. Not much happening on the crochet front as of now I'm sorry to say. Though I have finished the cat hats, the weather has not been too cooperative as far as photos and filming. Let's hope for some warm weather soon! Speaking of which, I've had spring on the brain and when I think of spring I sometimes think of clover. Which then got me thinking of St. Patrick''s day and a pot of gold. Haha! So, unsurprisingly that became the focus of today's art journal. When I think of a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, I also think of dreams. Not sleeping dreams but real dreams. And unlike sleeping dreams, real dreams don't just come to you. You have to follow or build them yourself. My mom Sylvia was working on a few art projects of her own today and was using these interesting pastels. Since I wanted a sort of dreamy effect to my page I thought I'd try them out too. I felt like I was working with eye shadow to be honest! But they turned out really nice. Today's page kind of has a childlike quality to it. Which is rather appropriate because as children we often have a lot of dreams and things that we want to accomplish and as we get older we get wrapped up in responsibilities and forget all about them. If you've forgotten your childhood dreams see if you can find them again. They may not be very obvious but they are still there somewhere!
So I know my store has been looking a little sparse. But I've been working extra hard behind the scenes to change that. If you've been following me all this time you've most likely gotten glimpses of what's to come here and there. Guess what? Here is another! Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a hint. It's an animal o f some sort!
Anyways, if you're wondering why it takes me so long to update so many things it's because I basically do it all myself. I'm not complaining! It's quite fun and brings me pride to be able to say I did it all myself. But it takes time. For instance, first I have to envision a design. Then I have to design it! Sometimes that can take awhile because seeing it in your head and actually crocheting it to look like the picture in your head are two different things! Then once I've figured out how to make it, then comes the tutorials, pictures, and eventually putting it up in my store. And all of that has a lot of editing involved! I sometimes wish I could blink and it would be ready right away. But without all the work that goes into something you wouldn't get the satisfaction. Have you ever been working on something so long that you think you'll never finish? And when you do it is the most awesome feeling ever? So basically what I am saying is, thank you to all of you that have been following my blog, watching my videos, and waiting ever so patiently for me to get my feet off the ground. You've been sharing all my anticipations and frustrations and soon will get to share the excitements too! =) Over the past couple of months I've been working on a rather large art project. I've been painting a two man handsaw! I took on this project because it's not every day that I get to paint other things besides a plain old canvas. So I couldn't pass up this opportunity. However, I began to feel like I had bit off more than I could chew. I enjoy painting but it seems every experience I have doing it for other people leaves me feeling like I never want to paint again. It comes in many forms, but basically it comes down to the fact that the person asking me to paint is not respectful of me and my art. Part of it may be because I am afraid to take pride in my ability to create art. But then I usually don't take enough pride in it because I feel that art in itself is not taken seriously. It's a vicious circle. I think the same thing can be applied to having confidence. You must first have confidence in yourself before you can expect others to have confidence in you. Anyways, I also learned that if you love doing something you can't just do it expecting others to love it too and get upset if they don't. You just have to do it anyway for yourself. Even if you don't get anything from doing it except your own satisfaction for having done it. I'm sure all my babble doesn't make much sense. But one thing is for sure. I did it and I made the best of it. If you're interested in seeing a bit behind the scenes, be sure to check out my vlog here: And here is a sneak peek of my favorite part of the entire painting. The hay bales! I love me some hay bales. =) Until next time, keep doing what you love no matter what!
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