Hey everyone! I'm still alive. Haha!
The job hunt is still on and in looking for one I've started to again develop a lot of the anxiety issues I had the last time I had one. Which is not comforting but has helped me to remember why I started this website in the first place. Yes, I wanted to live my life and enjoy it and I wanted to help others to do that too. But I was so focused on the idea that I could do it only because I was no longer working. Living life and enjoying it is not completely reliant on what you do to make money. Your income doesn't have to determine your happiness. Sure it makes it easier, but being happy is a lifestyle choice. In the past month I've been having to rediscover my priorities once again. I thought that if I had to work again I wouldn't have time to be happy because I'd most likely be stuck working somewhere that I didn't like. Again! It is true that I probably won't like my job, but it's not true that I can't be happy. For one thing I can choose to stay positive. For another, while I haven't been working I've discovered that I have hobbies and interests and that they are what will keep me going in life when times are tough. When I worked I used to be so focused on my job thinking that I had to devote all time and energy to it. No wonder I got exhausted! I didn't know how to explore and enjoy things. I was just doing what I was told, exactly how I was told to do it. Not only that, but I was afraid to truly be myself for fear of rejection. So with that I have a confession to make. Not only am I am an artist, crocheter, and nature lover.... I am a gamer too. I always hesitate to reveal this because of the image the word "gamer" usually brings up. Probably a violent person sitting in a dark room and shooting things is my guess of what most people visualize. Which is not true at all. Not all gamers are alike as not all painters are alike. For me, it was an escape when life became so overwhelming that my mind felt that it would either explode or shut down. Recently it has also become an important social outlet. I have found a group of people that I can connect with. I am sharing all this for a couple of reasons. First, because in this difficult period of time for me when my anxiety threatens to return I have people that are supportive of me, share my interests, and don't question my quirky sense of creativity. I believe that it is important to find a true supportive circle no matter what it is. People who care about you and enjoy you for who you are. Not what they want you to be. Second, in order to find those people you have to embrace yourself and do what you love even if others say it is a waste of time. Nothing is a waste of time. We can learn from everything and anything you enjoy that brings you happiness is not a waste. So in saying all this I know it is time for me to let go and truly be myself and I'd like to thank all of my Minecraft friends for teaching me that it is okay not to always do everything exactly "right", that life is there to be silly and make others laugh, and that working together is more fun and much better than working alone.
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